Forget the Joneses

I have questions on some of my business cards. One of them reads, “Whose life are you living?” This is tapping into that unneeded competition of trying to stay ahead of your neighbors. Your life is yours; so focus on it.

It is easy to look at others and think they have nicer things or a better job and all that. All the while downplaying who you are. We compare ourselves to the point of detriment sometimes.

You do not need to measure yourself up to others in that way. Let them live their lives and explore your own. Like what you like because you like it and not because your neighbor does. Do what you do because it drives you and not something someone else thought you should.

Are you doing what you want, or doing what is expected?

Dog Pile

When I was a kid, we occasionally would spontaneously tackle someone and the rest would jump on with the battle cry - “DOG PILE!”

Little did we know this was a lesson at the time. There are moments when we feel blindsided, laid out and buried.

In the day-to-day events of our lives, we can let things heap up and bury us but there is a way out. Unlike the randomness of child’s play, we usually see the mass building. Regardless of job or tasks, we see them plainly.

When we see it coming toward us, we have time to prioritize and prepare. Unfortunately, we get inundated because we missed something or we get a surprise deadline.

In these moments we may start suffering from anxiety and think we are being dog piled. This is the time to assess the situation and feel for a way out. Those items close at hand may not be the ones needing the most focus, but they are right in front of you – take them out. Either you push them aside or finish them off.

The key is not let the pile make you give up. Systematically approaching the load and deliberately removing the pieces bit by bit will get you there. One thing to keep in mind is to be flexible to any more bits added to the existing hillock. Let them come and decide if they need to be tackled now or later. Slowly you will come out of the pile and use the items to build a foundation on which you can structure the items coming in where you want them to be.

Have you dug yourself out? How did you do it?

The Fear

Holy cow! This is a big one with many facets. Whenever we consider something new or a shift in direction, we start hearing that voice of trepidation. It rattles around our head knocking at the plan.

We get comfortable where we have established ourselves and rattling the cage can be scary.

It is good to have the fear. It can be a check to assure us we are on the right path – it’s that inquiring voice. The flipside of that is it can also hold us back when we need the change most by asking the wrong questions.

Internalizing the fear can lead to you talking yourself out of whatever you are considering. To avoid this, get it out of your head and tell someone. Speaking your idea to someone can lessen the fear and help you realize you are moving in the right direction.

A side effect of this depends on whom you tell it too. This can lead to fear transference and suddenly you are affecting more than your life. Heavy!

The “how-will-your-decision-affect-me,” kicks in with the other person. This generates fear in them. They have an investment in you and the deeper the connection, the more palpable the fear. If you know deep in your heart that your passion is driving you on the correct course, then they will see it and stand with or behind you. And if they don’t, perhaps it is best to leave them behind.

Have you felt that trepidation?

Did it stop you?

Did you plow ahead regardless?

Pardon me. Do you have the time?

We often tend to view time as shaped like a giant hourglass with the sands of time trickling through a tiny time hole between future and past. These grand imaginative vistas of what has gone and what lies ahead overwhelm our view of what really is.

Actually, what we have is a horizon-smashing moment that is HUGE! Think about it, you can do anything you want to right now.

“What? No way, I have a job to do and loads of other responsibilities that I have to consider before me.”

I am not saying to shirk what needs to happen here at all. What I would really love is for everyone to be more fully here and now. Too many of us drift off with some longing of elsewhere and other things to do. Have you asked yourself, “Is it five o’clock yet?”

When we focus on what is right in front of us, we are able to commit to whatever we are doing wholeheartedly. Amazingly, the time flies by.

Now is the time to rethink how you view the moment. What are some ways you can be more here and now?

ACL-OW!

In July of 2002, while at a martial art seminar in Oklahoma City, I popped my anterior cruciate ligament (ACL). No, it did not feel pleasant.

In November of that year, I had it repaired and I started physical therapy and the relearning of things. Over the months after popping it, I adjusted how I moved. My body had adjusted to compensate somewhat. I had to get as close to normal as possible.

It took longer than I wanted, but I got back close to pre-popping mobility after about a year. I had specific milestones laid out with the goal of particular movements I wanted to be able to do again. By the end of that year, I could. In many ways the ligament is stronger, but I also have some limitations. I adjusted.

The thing is, it didn’t stop me. Sure, my body was altered but I adapted and am stronger in many ways, especially mentally. We all have these pop quizzes from time to time to test us, shake us up and keep us moving!

Anything ever knock you back forcing you to learn again?

Overcoming Perfection

I have never been a fan of perfection as the ultimate ideal or as a goal. This is not to say that doing one’s best can’t get you close to the perception. I recall telling people, “practice doesn’t make you perfect, just better.”

Does the idea of perfection prevent you from the attempt? The adage, “If you can’t do something well (or right), why do it at all?” comes to mind. I find this to be off the mark somehow. So what if we redefine the word?

Perfection has imperfectness. It is all part of the balance. Imagine everything being perfect in every detail. Can you?

When I was learning some new techniques in a martial art style from a peer whom I didn’t see that often, I mentioned my concern about doing something wrong. His response was, “Just do it. We can fix the little things later, but at least you are doing something.” To me, that’s the key; regardless of my skill level, as long as I am doing it, I am getting better at it. Will I be perfect every time? No. Will there be moments when I nail it? Yes.

The experience helps us grow and define who we are, helps us learn and understand along with broadening the view.

What is something you are willing to try regardless of outcome?

Break Through

When I started training in the martial arts, I was overweight and so out of shape I was consistently teased that the smelling salts were on hand.

I can honestly say that there were a few occasions when, while kneeling in a corner trying to catch my breath, I thought about throwing in the towel, but I kept getting up for more.

One aspect of the training that I could not wrap my brain around was a stick drill that involved weaving them as well as mirroring the movement on both sides of the body. For some reason, I had a huge block in my head on this drill.

One day after struggling with it for literally a couple months, a fellow student took me under his wing to help me get it. He broke down the movements step-by-step on one side until I got those. Then we did it on the opposite side until I was flowing through the movements. By the end of the class I had it.

After that, whenever I have a challenging moment, I break it down “by the numbers,” as we used to say. Now when I hit that barrier, I step back and approach the problem or task methodically until I have it completed.

As for that stick drill, I literally do it in my sleep.

What is something you once found difficult but now consider second nature?